1Liner
: This is a video by me, on how I earned my superpower, with the help of poison oak and public humiliation in Junior High School
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| This is a video by me, on how I earned my superpower, with the help of poison oak and public humiliation in Junior High School. When your junk becomes the talk of Jr. High School, and they line up to see it at shower time, you kind of get over any shame or humiliation. I felt like a woman giving birth on TV... at 14. |
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| Brazen Shamelessness
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This is a video by me, on how I earned my superpower, with the help of poison oak and public humiliation in Junior High School
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The short version is:
- I was poison oak resistant (wherever I got it, I wouldn't get it again). Eventually, this eliminated places I could get it... until I managed to get it in the one place remaining (full frank and beans). Life lesson about public urination I assume.
- Turns out, mucous membranes and soft tissue really don't like the stuff, and swells to cartoon proportions. I go to the dermatologist with ginormous red genitals that would scare baboons (literally 3 x normal size).
- Doctors solution was to use a UV lamp to "dry things up", and industrial calamine lotion to take home. (Note to Dr. Stanowitz, if you're going to leave a 14 year old in the stirrups with a sun-lamp cooking his good bits, please close the door when you leave next time -- I had to put a towel over my face so no passers by would recognize me).
- 4 days later 9th Grade starts. And I remember after PE that showers are mandatory. No pleading would get me out of it, and the PE teacher intimidated me enough that I just went with it. Swelling had gone down to twice normal size, but the UV lamp works extremely well on places that don't usually get a lot of sunlight -- my body opted for dark brown coloring.
- If you're thinking that having a large black man's genitals on a 14-year-old boy would be a good thing, you'd be sorely mistaken. Not only did kids sprain their necks on the double-take checking out the mutant kid, but after that the girls that had heard the story would turn white and flee on seeing me in the halls. I became the pariah of Jr. High School girls, and seemed to always draw an audience when taking a shower. (After another week or so, the swelling was gone -- but the color lasted the rest of the year).
My life would have been a lot easier if Bathing Suits were an option.
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